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Everybody Hates Valentine's Day

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Everybody Hates Valentine's Day is the fourteenth episode of the first season of Everybody Hates Chris.


Chris gets a bunch of "I hate you" cards from Caruso and also develops a crush on a girl named Tangee on his bus ride. Tonya reveals that she has a boyfriend which surprises Julius, and Drew gets a bunch of Valentines' cards from a lot of girls.


Chris : Why is that when it comes to me, you know so much about girls but you freak out when one gives you a card? Greg: I guess it's kinda like not being able to cut your own hair.

Rochelle : Boys are becoming fathers even at age 12. Chris (narrating): And great grandfathers at 43.

(reading from a card) Chris : Roses are red, violets are blue, please go back to Africa, and take your mother with you. Happy Valentine's Day. (narrating) Love a clod like this and I might just go to Africa.-- From Caruso

Tonya Aged 30 : Daddy, this is Ronald, my fiancee. Ronald : Nice to meet you, Sir. (Julius shoots at Ronald) Tonya Aged 30 Momma, daddy shot my fiancee again. Chris (narrating): Hey, say what you want but that's effective birth control.

Julius : Rochelle, did you watch the news? Girls are having babies at 10. Chris (narrating): And grandbabies at 20.

Chris (narrating) : I didn't have any luck with girls when I was 13. Mostly I just had a bunch of crushes. They call it a crush because chances are if you open your mouth, you're gonna get crushed. They coulda call it "She don't like you, stupid!" but crush is just quicker.

Caruso : Roses are red, violets are blue, you stink like a monkey, and look like one too. Happy Valentine's day. --To Chris

Chris : They call it a crush, because every time you open your mouth there's a chance you're gonna get crushed. They could have called it "She Don't Like You Stupid!" but "crush" is just quicker.


  • This episode was nominated for the 2007 Image Award for "Outstanding Directing In A Comedy Series".
  • At the beginning, in the school, a boy is carrying a poster that says "VALENTINES DAY DANCE / FEB 14 FRI" but in 1983, February 14 was a Monday.

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