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Everybody Hates Houseguests

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Greg stays at Chris' house while his dad is out of town and gets special treatment from Rochelle which makes Chris jealous. Meanwhile, Julius gets a job as a cab driver. He takes a passenger named Eddie on a road trip to Las Vegas for $1000, but later discovers that Eddie is a bank robber.



Narrator: Help! My mother is possessed by a nice lady.

Narrator: If I didn't thank the Lord at the table, my mother was going to send me to thank him in person.

Chris (to Greg): You're wearing Transformers pajamas? Man, you're 15.
Greg: I like to pray as different characters. That way, God doesn't get bored with me. Tonight, I'm Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. (in a robot voice) Now I lay me down to sleep, pray the Lord my soul to keep. Amen.
Narrator: He should pray for some self-esteem.

Eddie (to Julius): Would you take me to Las Vegas for a thousand dollars?
Narrator: For a thousand dollars, he'd take you to South Africa during the height of apartheid.

Narrator (while Greg sings in his sleep): I was hoping a maniac would break in and smother Greg with a pillow.

Rochelle: Julius, you are not driving that cab to Vegas.
Julius: The guy's gonna pay me a thousand dollars.
Rochelle: Get me Wayne Newton's autograph.

Greg: Hey, I just got a nickname.
Chris: Hey, you just got robbed.
Greg: Cool!

Rochelle (to Chris): You bang on that door again and I'm gonna knock out whatever you're holding in!

Julius (while on the phone calling collect): Daddy fine. Nebraska cornfields. Chris garbage. Hang up.

Greg (to Chris): Why didn't you wake me up?
Chris: You told me you didn't want me to do anything for you, so I didn't.
Greg: That didn't mean I wanted you to let me sleep through school. I missed the quarterly history test!
Chris: Well, maybe you should've gone to bed dressed as Superman that way you could've flown to school.

Greg (to Chris): You don't have it so hard.
Chris: How do you figure that?
Greg: So you live in Bed-Stuy, it takes you three hours to get to school and you have an after-school job. So what? I wish I had someone to fight over the TV or bathroom with. The last thing my mother cooked on the stove got her a year of probation. I don't do everything on my own because I want to. I do it 'cause I have to.

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